My liver just broke up with me...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
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If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
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I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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