Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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