Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
