Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
