I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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