this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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