I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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