I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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