I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
