So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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