I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
