I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
