dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
