During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
it was like his penis was on wheels.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
