I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
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i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
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the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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