I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
