so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just invented taco cereal.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
