I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
