the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
