Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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