On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
