I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
