Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Your penis caused this!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
