How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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