i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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