nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
