I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize