I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Girls should come with a carfax report
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize
