im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
