i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
