This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
