my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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