I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
