I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
