i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
