Im at strip club and am horny
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
