my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
