Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
