i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My dick has a subreddit
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize