she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
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Rumble strips road head = magical
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
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Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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