so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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