I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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