you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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