no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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