So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
