I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Randomize
