why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he thought i was a dude.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.