Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
