My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
