The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.