I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
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As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
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I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?