All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.