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• (915): View more from Texas

  After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.

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• (772): View more from Florida

  I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates

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• (631): View more from New York

  After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.

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  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (512): View more from Texas

  did you find a tooth?

  (254): View more from Texas

  did you lose one?

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• (863): View more from Florida

  I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.

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• (210): View more from Texas

  Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute

  (1-210): View more from Texas

  Hello cirrhosis

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• (516): View more from New York

  I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.

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  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.

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• (418): View more from Quebec

  He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.

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