I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
