it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
