also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
