You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize
