it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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