another moral hangover. fuck.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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