found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
