There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
