Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
