def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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