A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
