Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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