well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
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I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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