im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
