in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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