If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I fill condoms, not promises.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
