I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
